End 2014. Time to begin again.

Facebook has this most annoying setting ever, a bunch of pictures set to music to tell you "what a great year 2014" has been. Well, sorry facebook, but not in this girls life nor a few others I know.

2014 started out with my best friend Ann's brother passing away of Leukemia. He was young, and almost done with Medical school and newly married. He had so much to look forward to. And cancer took him too early.

And on June 28th, I received heartbreaking news that my brother Russ had a heart attack and that most of his arteries were full of plague. Bypass surgery was imminent. During the course of the surgery, he had a stroke. This affected parts of his speech and left arm and hand movements. It was so scary. His wife, Laurie help heal him back to a wonderful life! I think this left everyone shaking in their boots. We all new that all 6 of us couldn't be immune to Dad's lovely genetics. 

Then I got pregnant. Good news, yes? Well, yes...but not when you feel as though your life is filled with a lot of anxiety and times of depression. The morning sickness was awful, the heartburn from this baby (which for me manifests as stomach pain), had been awful but starting to finally heal after a large dose of a PPI (and no gluten as that seems to Exascerbate it more). I also found there is a small placental mass on baby, but this looks to be so small that it should pose a problem.

And lastly, I knew something had been going on with my mom for the last year and a half. It was hard to pinpoint it, but we eventually did. Beyond a horrible case of GERD and certainly some anxiety and depression, we finally got a diagnoses of stage 1 or 2 Alzheimer's. While we were anticipating this, as we saw symptoms becoming clearly obvious, it still saddens us (at least me). While I admit I got the some of the best years of moms life, remember late birth meant she was retired and no money worries and tons of time to spend with me, it still hurts that now that I am in my 30's and would like guidance raising kids, etc...this is not going to be my reality. The same thing happened to my mom and although her mother was 47 at the time of death, my mom had to figure out how to raise 6 of us on her own. And she did a pretty amazing job. I think what hurts the most is even though she is still quite functional, I feel like I have already lost a big part of her that was just here 2 years ago. So I am on my own, raising my children, having another, trying to figure out the aging process with two parents and feeling very insecure about it all. 

The best thing I have going in my life is this: my husband. My rock. He is an amazing father, wonderful friend, and best companion. Lord, protect my safety net Adam everyday. 4:30 can never come soon enough to see his smile and receive his hug. I know my kids feel the same way. 

So where to go from here. Let's hope 2015 finds calm, quiet, a quick and easy labor and delivery, some stability, something to "look forward" to in below zero days, laughter, and maintenance of friendships established over the months and years.

Blessings to your 2015 and May it ever be brighter than 2014.