Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Seriously.
Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Seriously. Being a stay at home mom has tested my limits more often than being a teacher. And here is why. If you do it wrong, you screw up a life. No pressure, right? I am not talking about the little stuff, I am talking about the big stuff. The stuff that keeps you up at night just hoping and praying that you are doing the right thing. Cause, you truthfully have no clue.
At school, I had a curriculum and a 5 year degree and masters to reassure me that I was doing my job well. I had parents who complimented me or called or emailed and principals that reassured, even though some days were tough, that I was making a difference.
At home, I have a 3 year year old who tests every limit, who gets sent to his room when whining (mom feels guilty), who tends to not know what to play with...ever (mom feels guilty), who goes to gymnastics and I see him daydreaming around not paying attention (mom feels guilty), and the list goes on. And all this is my fault, you see, because I am the one raising him. Not a daycare, not grandparents, not a babysitter, and not daddy (most of the time). I have no one to blame (sometimes I wish I did) I am the one who influences him 98% of the time and when something goes wrong or he seems slow to get concepts (which happens often), I feel guilty. When did I forget to teach him that? Oh, is a 3 yr old suppose to know that?
I know his speech development is way behind. I hear other 3 year olds speak and I feel as though I am talking to adults in comparison (not really, but you get what I mean). His sentence structure is poor, his articulation is very weak, and I worry. He does not have the correct pronouns of he/she down yet. Or plurals. So when I sit down in the afternoon to read my book, all I think is, how have I screwed up my child? Should I have put him in daycare? He is in preschool, but there are only 4 kids in his class, I guarantee he is not speaking to them much.
I almost wish that I could have a principal come in and help to "set the course" straight. Maybe fire me, maybe give me a new curriculum, maybe take the class for me and let me step back and watch how to do it right.
So you see my worries as a stay at home mom. When I was working I did not have time to think about all this. My brain had to focus at work. Or maybe it could just be distracted at work.
That is all my thoughts for now on that subject. Day to day, right?
On the other side of the coin, I have found a wonderful new church. Seriously, it is great! It is Lutheran (have not turned in the Catholic card, just putting it aside for awhile) that has incredible music. I am joining the band. They have awesome programming and great preaching and I just love everything about it. I am excited, again, to go every Sunday. Charlie loves it as well. Normally through the course of the service I am brought to tears at least once, either through the music or the preaching or just the love felt. Awesome! It means God is working in my heart again. It had been awhile!
Other good news is that Charlie loves downtown Madison. He regularly asks to see the Capitol. This is super fun! We love taking the kids out and walking around and just bumming down there. It is a lot of fun and I am glad that Charlie is getting the experience to live in a city with lots and lots to do!
Tis all for now!
At school, I had a curriculum and a 5 year degree and masters to reassure me that I was doing my job well. I had parents who complimented me or called or emailed and principals that reassured, even though some days were tough, that I was making a difference.
At home, I have a 3 year year old who tests every limit, who gets sent to his room when whining (mom feels guilty), who tends to not know what to play with...ever (mom feels guilty), who goes to gymnastics and I see him daydreaming around not paying attention (mom feels guilty), and the list goes on. And all this is my fault, you see, because I am the one raising him. Not a daycare, not grandparents, not a babysitter, and not daddy (most of the time). I have no one to blame (sometimes I wish I did) I am the one who influences him 98% of the time and when something goes wrong or he seems slow to get concepts (which happens often), I feel guilty. When did I forget to teach him that? Oh, is a 3 yr old suppose to know that?
I know his speech development is way behind. I hear other 3 year olds speak and I feel as though I am talking to adults in comparison (not really, but you get what I mean). His sentence structure is poor, his articulation is very weak, and I worry. He does not have the correct pronouns of he/she down yet. Or plurals. So when I sit down in the afternoon to read my book, all I think is, how have I screwed up my child? Should I have put him in daycare? He is in preschool, but there are only 4 kids in his class, I guarantee he is not speaking to them much.
I almost wish that I could have a principal come in and help to "set the course" straight. Maybe fire me, maybe give me a new curriculum, maybe take the class for me and let me step back and watch how to do it right.
So you see my worries as a stay at home mom. When I was working I did not have time to think about all this. My brain had to focus at work. Or maybe it could just be distracted at work.
That is all my thoughts for now on that subject. Day to day, right?
On the other side of the coin, I have found a wonderful new church. Seriously, it is great! It is Lutheran (have not turned in the Catholic card, just putting it aside for awhile) that has incredible music. I am joining the band. They have awesome programming and great preaching and I just love everything about it. I am excited, again, to go every Sunday. Charlie loves it as well. Normally through the course of the service I am brought to tears at least once, either through the music or the preaching or just the love felt. Awesome! It means God is working in my heart again. It had been awhile!
Other good news is that Charlie loves downtown Madison. He regularly asks to see the Capitol. This is super fun! We love taking the kids out and walking around and just bumming down there. It is a lot of fun and I am glad that Charlie is getting the experience to live in a city with lots and lots to do!
Tis all for now!
Nicki! You are the best parent Charlie could ever ask for. We all make mistakes as parents but you are in no way responsible for his speech delay! I hope you know that dear girl! Being a parent is hard but you're doing a wonderful job - never doubt that!
ReplyDeleteP.S. You should have seen Lainey at soccer last night. haha! Her lack of participation was so awful it was almost comical. I would have been so annoyed by her when Erik was playing at that level because Erik actually played and she was just standing around useless in the middle of the field. Needless to say, soccer is not likely going to be her forte. :)
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