Attachment Parenting...not for me!
I am sure many of you have seen the controversial new "Time" Magazine cover. We get it at our house so we have an upfront view. The image on the front does not disturb me, I think breastfeeding is a great thing! I am slightly disturbed with a 3 year old breastfeeding. Not so much from the actual look of it (I am all about the body), but more so the idea behind it.
I read the "Time" article about attachment parenting. I always knew this was not me. It was not how I was raised, nor is it how we are choosing to raise our child. I say "we" with importance. I think my biggest gripe with "attachment parenting" has to do with the fact that daddy is not very involved. It is about co-sleeping (so basically your husband gets kicked out of bed so your baby can have a suckle on your boob all night), and moms responding to every whimper of a cry, and mom's going through natural childbirth with the daddy only "thinking" he is helping (let's be honest moms!). Somewhere in the article, the author mentions something to the effect of "attachment mothering" and "detachment fathering." Are we going back to the 50's? Adam and I don't choose to raise Charlie by any of the attachment parenting philosophies and we are EXTREMELY HAPPY parents who adore our child immensely, live lives ourselves, and choose to raise a child that we hope, will love us and respect us but not depend on us as an adult.
Attachment believes: Breast is best-continue into toddlerhood.
We believe: breast is best, but it is HARD. I managed to breast feed exclusively (with no formula or milk) until he was 12 months old while myself subsisting on a diet that contained NO DAIRY. Nothing! (He was sensitive to the protein in dairy products, if I ate even the slightest bit, blood would appear in his poop...he has grown out of this!).
Attachment believes: parents should immediately respond to all cries, excessive crying can lead to brain developmental disorders
We believe: Every whimper does not mean I should stick my boob in baby's mouth. While we "sleep trained" Charlie, it was hardly even "sleep training." At age 4.5 months, he started sleeping longer chunks. I breast fed him at 8pm-then put him down. My husband gave him a "dream feed" bottle of breastmilk (expressed so I could be comfy) at 10pm and we agreed to not respond to him in the middle of the night. We counted the ounces and figured there was no way in the world that he could be hungry in the middle of the night after all he drank. It think it was one night, where he "cried" for about 3 minutes, and that was the end of it. He woke up a happy baby, and I woke up a happy mommy and life has been wonderful ever since.
Attachment believes: bassinet's attach to the side of the parent's bed or have the baby in between you.
We believe: This is ridiculous. Have you ever heard a baby sleep at night? They are loud! Seriously loud! They keep me up. My mother has a great story about her first born, Doug, and his first night home. It goes something like this:
Elaine: Doug is really loud in his bassinet, can you move him out?
Rhode: Sure (moves bassinet to hallway)
Elaine: I can still hear him moving around, can you put him in the bedroom?
Rhode: Sure (moves bassinet to bedroom)
Elaine: I can still hear him making noises...
Rhode: Should I put him in the garage?
Of course they didn't, but the point is made. Mom's hear everything. We put Charlie in his own room in his own crib at the ripe old age of 2 weeks. And it was great! I slept! There is nothing a woman needs more than sleep during those first 4 months of life with a newborn.
While I love my child desperately, I love my health and my life as well. I will do anything for Charlie, fully realizing that sleep is one of the most important things in life. And no one in our house will sacrifice it unless we have to (being sick of course or a newborn)! Charlie now tells me "night night" as if "come on mom, let me go to my favorite place."
I am attached to my child, but not to the point that I will never leave him. I have teenage babysitters at my house at least once a week, if not more. To give Adam and I that time together is so important for our mental health and physical health. My child is very well taken care of by the girls...thank you Samantha, Raelee, Emma, and Tess (the main four I use) as well as Maggie (you are on deck, girl) and Celina (would you quit some of your sports so I can use you?? hehe!) Charlie loves these young ladies and often asks for them. He understands that mommy comes back. And I always do. And when I do, these young ladies have Charlie changed, cleaned, in bed, happy, laughing...everything I could ask for in great kids!
....but ultimately, the great thing about the USA...we can parent anyway that we choose. How awesome!! (Just don't come crying to me when your child is still not sleeping through the night at 2 years old!)
I read the "Time" article about attachment parenting. I always knew this was not me. It was not how I was raised, nor is it how we are choosing to raise our child. I say "we" with importance. I think my biggest gripe with "attachment parenting" has to do with the fact that daddy is not very involved. It is about co-sleeping (so basically your husband gets kicked out of bed so your baby can have a suckle on your boob all night), and moms responding to every whimper of a cry, and mom's going through natural childbirth with the daddy only "thinking" he is helping (let's be honest moms!). Somewhere in the article, the author mentions something to the effect of "attachment mothering" and "detachment fathering." Are we going back to the 50's? Adam and I don't choose to raise Charlie by any of the attachment parenting philosophies and we are EXTREMELY HAPPY parents who adore our child immensely, live lives ourselves, and choose to raise a child that we hope, will love us and respect us but not depend on us as an adult.
Attachment believes: Breast is best-continue into toddlerhood.
We believe: breast is best, but it is HARD. I managed to breast feed exclusively (with no formula or milk) until he was 12 months old while myself subsisting on a diet that contained NO DAIRY. Nothing! (He was sensitive to the protein in dairy products, if I ate even the slightest bit, blood would appear in his poop...he has grown out of this!).
Attachment believes: parents should immediately respond to all cries, excessive crying can lead to brain developmental disorders
We believe: Every whimper does not mean I should stick my boob in baby's mouth. While we "sleep trained" Charlie, it was hardly even "sleep training." At age 4.5 months, he started sleeping longer chunks. I breast fed him at 8pm-then put him down. My husband gave him a "dream feed" bottle of breastmilk (expressed so I could be comfy) at 10pm and we agreed to not respond to him in the middle of the night. We counted the ounces and figured there was no way in the world that he could be hungry in the middle of the night after all he drank. It think it was one night, where he "cried" for about 3 minutes, and that was the end of it. He woke up a happy baby, and I woke up a happy mommy and life has been wonderful ever since.
Attachment believes: bassinet's attach to the side of the parent's bed or have the baby in between you.
We believe: This is ridiculous. Have you ever heard a baby sleep at night? They are loud! Seriously loud! They keep me up. My mother has a great story about her first born, Doug, and his first night home. It goes something like this:
Elaine: Doug is really loud in his bassinet, can you move him out?
Rhode: Sure (moves bassinet to hallway)
Elaine: I can still hear him moving around, can you put him in the bedroom?
Rhode: Sure (moves bassinet to bedroom)
Elaine: I can still hear him making noises...
Rhode: Should I put him in the garage?
Of course they didn't, but the point is made. Mom's hear everything. We put Charlie in his own room in his own crib at the ripe old age of 2 weeks. And it was great! I slept! There is nothing a woman needs more than sleep during those first 4 months of life with a newborn.
While I love my child desperately, I love my health and my life as well. I will do anything for Charlie, fully realizing that sleep is one of the most important things in life. And no one in our house will sacrifice it unless we have to (being sick of course or a newborn)! Charlie now tells me "night night" as if "come on mom, let me go to my favorite place."
I am attached to my child, but not to the point that I will never leave him. I have teenage babysitters at my house at least once a week, if not more. To give Adam and I that time together is so important for our mental health and physical health. My child is very well taken care of by the girls...thank you Samantha, Raelee, Emma, and Tess (the main four I use) as well as Maggie (you are on deck, girl) and Celina (would you quit some of your sports so I can use you?? hehe!) Charlie loves these young ladies and often asks for them. He understands that mommy comes back. And I always do. And when I do, these young ladies have Charlie changed, cleaned, in bed, happy, laughing...everything I could ask for in great kids!
....but ultimately, the great thing about the USA...we can parent anyway that we choose. How awesome!! (Just don't come crying to me when your child is still not sleeping through the night at 2 years old!)
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